


Modification of excellence

by hyuckagenda, lovexoright



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Appetite suppressants, Extreme diet, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan-centric, Sad Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Verbal Abuse, i guess
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-19
Updated: 2020-04-15
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:48:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23199670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyuckagenda/pseuds/hyuckagenda, https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovexoright/pseuds/lovexoright
Summary: In which Donghyuck gets an offer from SM to get a solo and happily accepts, unaware of what he just agreed to.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Everyone
Comments: 16
Kudos: 134





	1. Prologe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To perform had always been Donghyuck's biggest dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please mind the tags!

Lee Donghyuck’s dream had always been to perform. To stand on a stage, getting to do what he loves more than anything else: sing. When he was younger it seemed impossible that something like that could be a job. (“Mom, do they really get paid for singing and dancing? I want that job too!”) 

It had all started when Donghyuck was around the age of three, answered his parents when asked. One of his parents (it’s unknown whether it was his mom or dad, they both claimed it was them who had evoked their son’s love for music) had played a Michael Jackson CD. 

From that moment on he had grown to love music more and more, especially the singing and dancing part of it. His parents had seen the joy music brought him and had made sure to play music for him whenever they could. They had a questionable amount of videos of the younger boy just singing, dancing and head head-bopping to CD’s they put on for him. 

The passion didn’t disappear with age like many in his family thought it would. He was engaged in multiple music programs during both elementary and middle school, and everyone who knew Donghyuck also knew that the boy loved to sing. He made multiple friends who shared the same joy as him, who all encouraged him to pursue music as more than just a hobby. 

But it was scary. Because just like any other person who has thoughts about pursuing music as a job, he got a lot of discouraging opinions as well. (“No offense or anything, I just want you to be realistic. Few actually succeed in that line of work.”) He understood what they meant, and he knew they were right, but it was still disheartening to hear it from people he considered a friend. 

Because of this, he was unsure whether he should try or not. For a long time, Donghyuck would tell himself that if he tried auditioning for a company he could get shot down (which surely would leave the boy heartbroken). He could get told that he’s too young and that he should come back at a later time (Donghyuck would probably never have dared to come back) or he could just not try. The latter would prevent him from both heartbreak and embarrassment, but it would also leave him feeling empty. 

Donghyuck had tried to prevent himself from thinking about the _what-if_ s. What if he actually passed the audition? What if he survived as a trainee and got to debut? What if he got to live out his dream of singing on a stage? 

The what-ifs and his encouraging parents and friends finally won the fight in his head though. a Friday afternoon when he was on his way back from school. On the way he saw a poster he hadn’t seen before, reading “SM Weekly Auditions. Will it be you?” 

One day later, early Saturday morning, Donghyuck found himself in SM’s building, sitting in one of the many seats placed around a gigantic waiting room. He had taken the decision to not tell his friends or his family what or where he was going. They wouldn’t have been allowed inside without auditioning themselves, and it would put an even bigger pressure on the young boy. A pressure he didn’t need. 

Plus if he were to fail, which Donghyuck thought he would, he wouldn’t need to tell anyone right away. He could take his own time processing it rather than seeing all the sad and petty looks he knew his friends and parents would give him, which for sure would make him break down. So he went alone. 

Well, not alone. There were a couple of hundred people around him, all probably hoping for the same as him: the possibility to stand on a stage and perform to his heart's content. To sing, dance and be a person of success. 

Though Donghyuck can’t remember much from his audition, he could clearly remember what he was feeling before his name got called. Fright, nervousness, dread… He could remember sitting on an uncomfortable chair, staring into the ground. He was tired of seeing person after person coming out of the audition rooms, some crying and some looking absolutely lifeless. 

“Lee Donghyuck.” He could practically still hear the woman's voice in his mind. He would probably never forget that voice because of the terror that went through him at the mention of his own name. It had meant it was his turn to stand up, go over to the female and enter the room like an excited teenager and come out a depressed youth. 

His entire body had been shaking as he walked over to the female staff, his palms getting sweatier by the seconds. The woman had taken a quick look at him before giving a lazy nod as a greeting, opening the door for him. Donghyuck had bowed and entered the room, getting met by four “judges” sitting side-by-side on a long table. They had all looked tired and one visibly annoyed. 

He remembered the sound of the door closing behind him and how he had frozen. The feelings he had felt at that moment.. He had felt smaller and weaker than he ever had before. A cough from one of the staff members had made him look up from the floor, meeting eyes with the only female seated at the table. “Whenever you're ready, please start.” 

And so he did. He knew how to sing. He knew how to dance, to some degree at least. That was the easy part.

The next thing he remembered from that day was walking out of the room, a piece of paper in his hand. His face had shown no emotion but shock, as he walked through the long room, into the corridor and out the doors of the building. First when the wind hit his face had he woken up from the daze and started speeding up till he suddenly was running, a big smile on his face. 

To everyone’s delight, and Donghyuck’s shock, he was accepted. He, Lee Donghyuck, had been welcomed into SM entertainment as a trainee. (All he needed now was his parents' signatures but that was yet another easy part.) 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey there!! tank you so much for reading, it means a lot. i truly hope you enjoy it so far <3 
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/lovexoright) | [ cc](https://curiouscat.me/lovexoright)


	2. Maybe it's me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “We’re interested in offering you a solo.” 
> 
> “You’re— What?” 
> 
> "Offering you a chance to go solo.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you SO much to [fiddle_stix](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fiddle_stix/pseuds/fiddle_stix) for beta-ing! You're a big help ♡

Donghyuck, when he has time off, plays games. It’s one of the few things that can make him relax properly. With the exception of sleeping, of course. 

He’s in the middle of playing a match of PUBG when his phone — located somewhere on his messy desk — starts vibrating. A glance down at it makes him frown, as he sees three new messages on the lock screen, all from his manager. 

A sigh leaves his mouth as he picks up his phone, mentally apologizing to his teammates. It’s somewhat of an unspoken rule that the managers only text later at night if it’s about something important, leaving him with no option but to answer.

Maybe it’s something about a change in schedule? 

In that case, he hopes something has been canceled. He’s been feeling exhausted lately, leaving him with little to no energy. It would be great if he could get some extra time off. 

**Manager H** , 11:34 PM  
> You have a meeting tomorrow at 5:45 p.m.   
> Therefore you’ll need to leave dance practice a bit earlier tomorrow.   
> Meet me outside the building at 5:15 p.m. We’ll take the car back to the dorms. You’ll have 15 minutes to shower and change before we go back for the meeting. 

The messages makes him frown and he shifts where he’s seated in the chair. No one had told him anything about a meeting prior to this. He couldn’t remember Taeyong or any of the other members having mentioned anything about it either, which they usually do. 

**Donghyuck** , 11:37 PM  
> What meeting?  
> Do the other members know? 

He unconsciously bites his lips as he sends the messages. It’s not often that the members themselves have to participate in meetings. It’s usually the managers who do. If they get told anything important they’ll report back to the individual members or the entire group, depending on what or who the news is about. 

While waiting for Hakkun’s reply, he looks back up at the computer screen. He’s somehow still alive, though a bot is actively trying to change that. He kills it with a few shots with the AKM and makes the character prone in the grass, hoping it will prevent other players from seeing and killing him. 

**Manager H** , 11:41 PM  
> Not sure yet, I only got the message a few minutes ago myself.   
> “Meeting at 5:45 p.m for member Haechan of NCT. Please meet at building B precisely.” 

Donghyuck reads and re-reads the messages a few times, not sure what to think. A meeting is one thing, but a meeting alone? He’s pretty sure that’s not normal. To be completely honest, he’s positive none of the members, except for maybe Taeyong, had ever been on a meeting alone. And that’s because he’s the leader. 

**Donghyuck** , 11:44 PM  
> Only me?

He brings his hand up to his mouth, lightly biting on his fingernails. Technically he knew he shouldn't (the make-up staff would yell at him. Again). But there’s no helping it. It’s always been a nervous habit of his. 

Trying to distract himself, he looks up at the game again and notices how far the safe-zone suddenly is. “This game hates me, I swear,” he mumbles to himself and groans. He brings his hands back down to the keyboard and mouse, making his character start running towards the zone. 

**Manager H** , 11:46 PM  
> Apparently so, yes.   
> I asked the other managers and they said they haven't gotten any notice of a meeting.   
> Don’t worry too much though, I’m sure it’s nothing bad.  
> Go to sleep, so you’ll be rested for tomorrow. 

Donghyuck puts his phone back down on the desk, sighing. A loud sound comes out of the headphones around his neck, making him look back up at the computer screen. It’s tinted dark and the words better luck next time are written across the death screen. 

“Fuck me.” 

∭

“Great job guys! Let’s just go through the last part of the choreography a few more times before we take a break,” their dance instructor, Jiuhan, says. 

Donghyuck closes his eyes and leans his body on the nearby wall, keeping a groan from escaping. He’s tired, sweating and wants to go home. But he can also get where the instructor is coming from, seeing that they’ve definitely not perfected the choreography yet. 

So he follows the rest of the members and nods in agreement, making Jiuhan smile. “Okay then. From the dance break.”

As the music starts he gets up from his crouched position and joins the rest in getting in position. When they’re ready the dance instructor starts skipping through the song, up to Taeil’s highnote. Some of the members make a whooping sound, which makes the older laugh. 

Not only do they go through the choreography once, but up to five, ten, fifteen times. When they think they’re finally finished Jiuhan does his gesture for one more time, and they follow. That “a few more times” therefore turns into what feels like a million more times (but the group knows they need the practice, so they don’t complain.)

They’re in the middle of what Jiuhan has promised to be the last time, before they finally can take a well deserved break, when there’s a knock on the door. Some of the members don't seem to notice while others completely lost their concentration, Donghyuck being a part of the latter. 

Jiuhan gestures for them to continue the dance and crosses the room, opening the door. Through the mirror he sees Hakkun’s head peek in, looking around. Donghyuck freezes. 

_Shit, the meeting_! 

Luckily the music ends just then, letting Donghyuck rush around the room, picking up his belongings from the floor and flinging them into his bag. “Sorry, hyung! I completely lost track of the time,” he says and looks towards Hakkun, who luckily doesn’t seem mad. 

He closes his bag and throws it over his shoulder and looks up, just to get met by the confused looks of his members. “You’re leaving with Haechan?” asks Juihan, seeming just as bewildered as the rest. 

“Yes. He has a meeting in half an hour,” Hakkun explains. “I’ll make sure to practice again later, so I don't fall behind,” Donghyuck adds, making Jiuhan smile. “I’m not worried. You’re doing great.”

Before he gets to reply, Taeyong jumps in. “What meeting?” 

“Not sure yet,” Donghyuck shrugs. Maybe if he pretends he’s not nervous it’ll help him feel less scared about what’s to come. (It doesn’t.) 

“Donghyuck, we need to leave now. We’re already a little behind,” Hakkun says, smiling teasingly at the last part. It makes him flush a little red, hanging his head. “I’m sorry,” he mumbles. 

“You know I’m just teasing.” 

“Anyway, we’ll be going now. Sorry for disturbing the practice,” Hakkun bows slightly and Donghyuck follows. It was his fault that he had to go in and get him after all. 

Jiuhan waves his hand dismissively. “No worries. I’ll see you tomorrow Haechan.” 

The brunette nods and smiles, saying goodbye to the rest as well. Most of them still look slightly in shock but still bid their goodbyes. Some of them even look concerned. Donghyuck wishes he could console them, but at the moment he’s just as, if not more, worried himself. 

Because solo meetings are more or less always something to worry about. Solo meetings often mean scandals, which is something no idol wants for themselves or their group. 

He pulls his phone out from his bag when he’s finally seated in the car, searching Naver for his own name. Nothing special appears when he does, making him sigh in relief. He (and the rest of NCT, for that matter) had enough scandals for a lifetime. 

“Don’t worry so much.” 

Donghyuck turns and looks at his manager, a frown on his face. “I… I can’t help it,” he ends up admitting, looking down at the seat in between them. “I know I haven’t done anything bad but you just never know what your name can get dragged into.” 

Hakkun nods in understanding, having been in his job long enough to have seen scandals destroying idols’ careers. “Let’s not worry about it yet. If there’s anything like that I’ll make sure to deal with it. That’s a part of my job, remember?” 

“Thank you,” Donghyuck mumbles, a small smile on his mouth. The tips from the older had made him relax more, his body practically sagging into the car seat. 

The rest of the ride is silent but Donghyuck likes it. His mind has been a mess since he first found out about the meeting, up until the dance practice which had made him forget. Now, after hearing Hakkun’s words, it feels like he finally can breathe. 

When the car stops outside the dorms, Donghyuck practically runs inside and straight into the shower. He’s outside in the car only fifteen minutes later. His hair is still wet but he’ll have to deal with that later. There’s no time for drying it now. 

On the way back to the SM building he connects his phone to the bluetooth speaker in the car, occupying his mind from thinking about the meeting. The closer they get, the more nervous he gets. When he feels like the thoughts are about to get the better of him, he starts singing along to the songs. 

They arrive and Hakkun gets out of the car, gesturing for him to climb out as well. “It’s already 3:40, we’ll have to hurry a bit,” Hakkun says while looking at his phone. Donghyuck steps out of the car and mumbles out a small “alright.” 

He follows the older into the familiar, yet scary, building. They navigate through the cafeteria, some offices and a bunch of long corridors before they finally see the big sign with the letter B written on it. Under the B, in smaller letters, it says “meeting rooms.”

Walking through the door they were met with the sight of a long corridor with what looks like hundreds of doors, but one in particular catches his attention. There is a woman standing on the outside of it, wearing formal attire and holding a black notebook.

She looks up as they enter, eyeing them up and down. A small, though forced-looking, smile appears on her face when they stop in front of her. All three politely bow at each other in greeting. 

“You must be Haechan. It’s nice to finally get to meet you.” The woman speaks, her voice low and carrying an odd amount of calm. “My name is Yunhee,” she introduces herself. 

He greets back, a smile on his mouth. “Nice to meet you, too, Yunhee-ssi.” 

Yunhee looks at Hakkun and starts talking, still with the forced-looking smile on her face. “Thank you for bringing Haechan here, Hakkun-ssi. You’re free to leave now.” 

Donghyuck feels himself still for a second, panicking. 

_He couldn't leave him here alone!_

He quickly glances up at the older. It luckily seems that Hakkun would agree, if the taken-aback-look on his face is anything to go by. 

There’s a tense silence. Donghyuck feels his heart speed up, unsure if he should say anything. There’s no way he’s going into that room without his manager. 

Before he gets to say anything, however, Hakkun speaks up. “Actually, I’d like to join. Only if that’s alright, of course.” 

Donghyuck feels himself nodding along, but stops before anyone notices. Instead he focuses his eyes on Yunhee, who (Donghyuck swears) is tightening her jaw in annoyance. 

“Alright then.” 

She opens the door she’s standing in front, gesturing for them to enter. She closes the door behind them when they do, walking up to the table, where there’s already two people seated.

“This,” Yunhee gestures towards the female on her left, “is Kim Dahye. This man is Park Jiho.” The woman smiles at him, while the male just nods, a blank look on his face. Donghyuck bows back and bites his lip, feeling nervous again. 

“Please sit.” 

Yunhee sits down in between Jiho and Dahye, making both Donghyuck and Hakkun follow, though on the other side of the table where they had been instructed to sit. When he does he takes a few seconds to look around the small room, though there’s not a lot to see. The table takes up most of the space, only allowing small items like plants and photos to decorate the room. 

“Haechan-ssi, I’m sure you’re curious as to why we invited you here,” the man, Jiho, says. His voice is monotone and his face is showcasing nothing but boredom, making it seem like he didn’t want to be here. 

Donghyuck ends up just nodding wordlessly in agreement, not sure what to say. 

“Well, you see—,” Jiho starts. But before he gets another word out Yunhee interrupts him, ignoring the glare she receives from the elderly man. _Weird_. 

“Actually, we’ll get to that part later. First we want to ask you a few questions.” 

Donghyuck glances between the two. “Uhm…”

“Don’t worry, it’s mainly just questions about being an idol and such,” Yunhee reassures, probably having misunderstood his confusion for nervousness. 

“Sure,” he replies, though warily. 

She opens the notebook he had noticed in her grip earlier and writes something. She then looks up again, trying to meet his eyes. He swallows. 

“You’re currently active in two subunits of NCT. How is that?” Is the first thing she asks, flipping to a new page in her notebook. He feels himself relax slightly. He’s used to answering this question. 

“Uh—, I like it. It’s a bit stressful at times but I’m really thankful for being able to promote in multiple groups at once,” he tells her truthfully. At least mostly. Saying it’s only a little stressful is a bit of an understatement. 

She nods along as he speaks, writing something in the notebook. Donghyuck tries to read it but her handwriting isn't the best and reading up down has never been a talent of his. 

His eyes go from the words on the paper to Yunhee and freezes for a second as he’s met with her intense stare. She raises an eyebrow at him. She definitely just caught him in trying to read what she was noting. 

“It’s just some small notes. Don’t worry too much,” she says. “Anyway, next question. You mentioned you get stressed. How do you deal with it?” 

He shrugs. “I usually play games or sleep.” 

“Don’t you have more important things to spend your time doing?” The male suddenly asks. The question makes him flush red, stunned silent for a few seconds. Jiho seems to like the effect his words have, smiling for the first time since Donghyuck entered the room. 

“Uhm…” 

Yunhee turns to the man, a tight smile on her mouth. She stares at him for a few seconds, waiting for Jiho to meet her eyes. First then does she speak up. “Let the boy answer, would you? It’s not your job to ask the questions. It’s mine.” 

Donghyuck shifts awkwardly in his chair. Jiho’s somewhat right, he supposes. Maybe he shouldn’t be spending all his free-time playing games, but instead use the time practicing. 

“You’re right. I’m sorry,” Donghyuck apologizes, looking at the man. He just rolls his eyes in response. 

Hakkun, who had to this point been completely silent, starts moving next to him. Donghyuck glances sideways at him, noting his furrowed eyebrows and clenched fists. _He’s angry_ , he realises. Not absolutely outraged or anything, just… mad. 

Donghyuck bites his lip and looks away. Maybe Hakkun agrees with the other male. Donghyuck has always had a rumour about being somewhat lazy, after all. He’s never really seen himself as lazy, but maybe he is. 

“Dancing and singing also helps a lot with reducing stress,” Donghyuck adds. 

The statement makes all three across the table smile. Well, if what Jiho is doing with his mouth could be considered a smile. He doesn't look as mad as he usually did, at least. 

“What would you think about..,” Yunhee stops for a second. It looks like she’s not sure how to form the question. She glances down at the notebook. “Debuting again?” She finishes, looking back up at the boy for his reaction. 

_What_?

He feels lost. Are they really asking him if he’s interested in debuting in another NCT subunit? As if he would say anything but yes. “In another sub-unit you mean?” He asks, still gnawing on his bottom lip. _Everything but biting nails,_ he tells himself. 

“For example in another subunit, yes.” 

He falls silent, but not for long. “I would love it, I think. I’ll probably have to graduate from Dream soon and it would probably feel strange to only be active in one group.” 

_Remain calm. Remain calm. Remain calm_. 

Yunhee smiles at that, writing yet another line in her notebook. 

“Right.” 

She closes the notebook and leans back in her chair, turning her head to look at Jiho. She gestures for him to take the word. “You can speak now, Jiho-ssi.” He doesn’t look pleased but does as she says, though still with the same tone from earlier. 

“We’re interested in offering you a solo.” 

Donghyuck stills in his seat and Hakkun follows suit, just as shocked. 

“You’re— What?” 

Yunhee speaks up again. “Offering you a chance to go solo.” 

_Is this a dream?_

He knows it stupid but he pinches himself in the arm, just to make sure it wasn’t some sort of dream. It would definitely not be the first time he’d dream about something like this. 

“But— Why… Why me?” He asks, feeling confused and excited all at once. His leg is bouncing up and down under the table, as he’s trying to control himself from not jumping up and down in glee. 

“You have a lot of potential. You have one of the biggest individual fanbases of the NCT members.” 

“It’s surprisingly big, considering you’re not one of the faces of the group,” Jiho comments.

Yunhee ignores him. “You’re a skilled dancer and your voice is also very unique,” she adds. 

Donghyuck can’t help but to flush red at all the compliments he’s suddenly receiving. Though they’re making him shy, they’re also the reason for the smile that’s forming on his face. He looks down and focuses on his fingers. 

“So. What do you say? Does it sound like something you’d enjoy?” 

His head pops up again, immediately meeting Yunhee’s eyes. “Of course! I mean—” 

Before he gets another word out Hakkun places a hand on his shoulder, stopping him. He looks over at him, surprised. For some reason he doesn't look too pleased.

Donghyuck is about to ask why he’s stopped him, but Hakkun’s expression silences him. 

“Could I get a few words with Donghyuck, alone?” He asks, shocking the people sitting around the table, including the boy himself. “Hyung, I don’t—” But Hakkun interrupts him yet again. 

“We’ll just be a few minutes,” he says and raises from the chair. On his way out of the room he sends a look to Donghyuck, who’s sitting motionless at the table. 

_What the hell?_

He awkwardly stands up from his chair, ignoring the stunned looks of the others in the room. “Guess we’ll be right back,” he says and laughs nervously. As he’s closing the door behind them he sends them an apologizing look. 

“Hyung!” Donghyuck finally lets his energy out, practically bouncing up and down where he was standing, smiling big. “Did you hear that! They’re offering me — me! — a solo.” 

Hakkun offers him a small smile. “Look, Donghyuck…” 

He slowly stops bouncing as he reads Hakkun’s expression. There’s a smile on his face but it doesn’t reach his eyes, doesn’t really look happy. 

“Hyung?” He asks and stares at the elder. Waiting for him to say something, anything, to explain. Explain why he dragged him out of the room when he just got offered a solo, why he doesn’t look as happy as Donghyuck feels when _he was just offered a solo_. He’s his manager, after all, shouldn’t he be happy for him?

“I know you’re really happy now. I know this has been your dream for a long time. _I know_. And I am, believe it or not, very happy that you’re getting this offer. You deserve it. It’s just—”

“Just what?” 

“I don’t think it would be smart of you to accept it,” Hakkun finally admits. 

Donghyuck stares at him in disbelief. “I just got offered a solo and you’re saying I should say no? Other members have had solos, why can’t I accept the same offer?” 

“I’m not telling you not to accept it, just please be careful of what you agree to in there. This is their job, remember? They know how to make whatever they’re selling seem fantastic. Just make sure to fight for yourself, don’t accept just anything.” 

He thinks about it for a little and though he doesn’t like it, he supposes it makes sense. It still hurt though. This, going solo, had been his dream since forever. Sure, he adores NCT and being in a group but he hoped he could get a solo at least once. It’s such a big chance. How can he say no? 

“I see your point, it's just, this has been what I’ve worked towards for such a long time. I can’t just say no. You get that right? Hyung?” He seeks approval. 

“A part of my job is to protect you. My recommendation is that you decline the offer. But in the end it’s your choice.” 

Donghyuck’s face falls.

_Is he not good enough?_

“No, hyung. Your job is to help me succeed. So please start doing that. I know I’m not close to being as talented as Taeyong and Mark hyung but,” he says, his voice hurt, trailing off at the end. It sounds foreign. Without another word he turns around and opens the door, resisting the urge to slam the door shut behind himself. 

The room is silent when he enters, all three pairs of eyes looking at him as he does. He steps up to the table, Hakkun behind him. Donghyuck places his shaking hands on the table, trying to ground himself.

“I accept.” 

Yunhee practically lights up, a big smile forming on her lips. “Excellent!” 

She turns to Dahye, who Donghyuck realises hasn’t said anything yet, and gestures her hand towards the pile of papers in front of her. She nods in understanding. 

Dahye picks up one of the papers from the top of the stack, sliding it across the table and in front of the seat Donghyuck had been sitting earlier. 

“Please sit,” she says. 

He does as she says, walking around the table and sitting down at the table again. When Hakkun does the same he stares blankly down at the paper in front of himself, not wanting to meet the other’s eyes. Just thinking back to their conversation a few minutes ago makes doubt present itself in Donghyuck’s mind. 

But, no. _This is your dream_ , he has to remind himself. He forces the doubt away, as much as possible, that is. Therefore he turns in his chair, making Hakkun disappear from his side sight. Out of sight out of mind, isn’t that what they say? 

“This,” Dahye says as she points a finger at the piece of paper in front of him, “is the contract. You have already signed one for being in SM and in NCT, but for going solo you need to sign this one as well. It’s not very different from the ones you’ve already signed.” 

She looks at him, but when he doesn't say anything, just nods, she continues. “If you sign here,” she flips the paper and points at a line at the bottom of the paper, “is where you need to sign.”

He follows her finger and nods yet again. Jiho, looking as bored as ever, places a pen next to the paper and Donghyuck gets it. They want him to sign it. Right now.

When he doesn’t pick up the pen the man groans in annoyance. “Are you going to do it or not? Not only is he lazy, he’s dumb too,” Jiho whines, turning to Yunhee. She doesn't spare him a look. 

“Is there a problem?” She muses.

Donghyuck bites his lip, looking down at the pen again. “It’s just.” He sighs. “Is it possible to get some time to think about it?” 

The smile drops from Yunhee’s face and she frowns. “I suppose you don’t want it that bad after all. Maybe we picked the wrong member for this. I guess you were right,” she says and turns to Jiho. 

“No!” Donghyuck exclaims, not thinking as he speaks. “Of course I’ll sign it. I’m not sure what I was thinking.” 

When he looks up at Yunhee, the smile has reappeared on her face. “Good choice,” she says and leans over the table, sliding the paper further away from her, closer to Donghyuck. 

He swallows but takes the pen, hovering it over the signing line.

“You don’t have to, remember—” Hakkun says, his voice low, making sure no one else would hear his voice. And Donghyuck feels… Anger. He knows it’s irrational. He knows it’s stupid. But why couldn’t he just support him in his decision? 

Feeling bitter, he signs the paper with his real name — _Lee Donghyuck_ — and places the pen down at the table again. It suddenly felt like it weighed a ton. He stares at the paper as the woman, Dahye, picks it up from in front of him and takes a look at it. 

She nods, seeming satisfied. A smile is present on her mouth when she hands it over to Jiho. 

“I’m happy you decided to sign. None of the other members are as great as you. It would be a shame to see you go, Haechan-ssi,” Yunhee says, smiling. He returns the smile, though it doesn’t feel genuine. It isn’t. 

He feels exhausted.

_Did he do the right thing?_

“Well then, I guess we’re finished here. We’ll invite you back again when we’ve talked with some of the planners and such. I’m sure we’ll see you in a few days,” she says as she raises from her chair. Jiho and Dahye follow. They give a short bow, or at least two of them did. Guess which one didn’t. 

He stands up himself, bowing. “Thank you so much for the opportunity,” he says when they’re on their way out of the room. He tries to smile but he’s sure it ends up looking more like a grimace, too tired to try properly. 

When they’re gone Donghyuck practically sags back into the chair.

“Are you okay?"

Donghyuck turns his head to look at Hakkun, but can’t find it in himself to meet his eyes. He can’t. Not after the way he had acted. After what he had said to him. He was just trying to help. 

“Yeah,” he lies. 

“I’m sorry, by the way,” he says, “for what I said in the hall.” 

Hakkun just nods. “It’s okay.” 

They sit in silence for a while, not saying a word or making a single sound. The only noise in the room is the clock hanging on the wall. Donghyuck stares at it. It reads 7:34. Has it really been two hours already? 

“I should probably get back to the dorms,” he says but makes no move to get up from his seat. 

Hakkun hums, standing up. “You’re right,” he says while looking down at the brunette. “I’ll make a call for a car. I should be back in a few minutes.” 

Donghyuck nods. “Thank you,” he says to his back as he’s leaving the room. 

The silence settles yet again, but this time he doesn’t like it as much. It’s suffocating. He brings his knees up to his chest, hugging them tighter to himself with his arms. Finally he puts his head down on top of them and closes his eyes. 

Shouldn’t he be happier? He was just offered a solo and agreed. He’s going to have a solo. He’s going to stand on a stage, alone, signing his heart out. Like he’s always wanted. But this… It just feels wrong somehow. 

“Ready to leave?” Hakkun’s voice interrupts his thoughts.

He untangles himself. “Yeah.” 

They get out of the building the same way they entered, getting into the car that’s waiting on the outside. The entire ride back “home” is silent. 

They arrive at the dorms and bid their goodbyes. “See you tomorrow, hyung,” he says as he steps out of the car, breathing in the cold, but fresh, air. 

He stands there for a bit, just watching the car drive away. When it’s gone from his sight he starts walking up to the large apartment complex NCT currently resides in. The way is so familiar he’s practically walking on autopilot into the building, up the stairs, down the hall, around the corner and walks to the end of that hall, where the door for 127’s dorm is. 

A simple tap of his keycard opens the door and he walks in; steps out of his shoes and takes off his jacket. 

_A deep breath in, out._

He plasters a fake smile on his face, properly stepping into the dorm.

“Hello?” A voice says. Taeyong’s, to be specific. His head peeks out from the kitchen, looking curiously into the hallway. “Ah, Donghyuck!” 

“Hyung, guess what!” He exclaims happily, actually feeling excited to tell him. Though he would never admit it to anyone, Taeyong was sort of his role model. Had been, for a long time. 

“Ah, no. Please tell me,” Taeyong pouts as he steps closer to the younger. “I’ve been curious for so long now,” he adds. 

Donghyuck grins. “I was offered a solo!” As he says it he realizes how happy he is about it. He was probably just in shock earlier. Of course he’s happy. 

Surprise colored the other’s face, his mouth agape. “Wow, Hyuckie. Congratulations!” 

Warmth spreads in his chest, a real smile on his mouth. “Thank you,” he mumbles and looks towards the floor, feeling a bit shy. 

“What did you answer?” Taeyong asks suddenly, making him look up again. The older’s face has changed; he suddenly looks worried. 

“I accepted, of course,” he answers, speaking slowly. “Why?” 

“Nothing! I’m just curious.” 

“Okay,” he trails off. 

“You didn’t sign anything though, right?” 

Donghyuck’s face fell. “Yes, I did actually,” he answers, voice a bit cold. He couldn’t help it. It’s obvious where this is going and all he can think is, _this, again?_

“Did you read through the contract properly? You never know what they put in those contracts—” Taeyong starts but he interrupts him.

“Could you really not be happy for me for longer than — what? — five seconds?” He asks, scowling. He’s probably (definitely) overreacting but he can’t help but to feel hurt. 

_Why does everyone keep reacting like this?_

“Of course I’m happy for you, Donghyuck! I’m just worried.” 

“Well there's no need for that, I know what I’m doing, okay? I’m not some kid.” 

Taeyong scans his face for a few moments before he looks away. “You’re right. I’m sorry.” 

“Whatever. I’m going to bed. Goodnight, hyung.” 

There’s something sad about the smile he gives the younger and it sends chills down his spine. “Goodnight, Hyuckie.” 

He feels himself hesitate, kind of regretting his outburst. He knows Taeyong is just protecting him, it just gets overbearing sometimes. Tiring. 

He gives Taeyong a last smile before he turns and walks down the hallway, past other members’ bedrooms — he had originally thought of telling everyone, but he doesn’t have the energy for that now — and into his own. Well, his and Johnny’s. 

Creaks come from the bed as he sits down on it. There’s still someone he needs to tell, though. His parents. There’s not been a single time they haven’t been happy for him. 

He grabs his phone from his pocket and flops down at the bed, calling his mom. There’s a few short beeps before she picks up. “Mom!” He blurts. 

“Hey, honey,” she answers, bringing a smile to his face. 

“How are you? Have you eaten dinner yet?” They talk back and forth for a while, until Donghyuck can’t wait any longer to tell her. 

“I have some news,” he teases. She laughs. “Is that so? What is it?” 

“I’m getting a solo!” 

“Oh, honey,” she gasps. “That’s great! I know it’s been your wish for so long.” 

Grinning, Donghyuck rolls to his stomach.

Silence. “You’re happy right?” 

The answer doesn’t come automatic, to his own surprise. 

“Of course I’m happy, mom, like you said; I’ve wanted this for so long.” 

“I know, dare. It’s just…” she cuts herself off.

“What?” 

“You don’t seem that excited."

He keeps silent. 

“There’s a time where you’d call me the second you heard the news, voice full of joy and excitement. I get that it’s unrealistic thinking you’d find the same joy in music that you did when you were younger but… Lately I’ve been getting the feeling that you think of it as just a job.” 

Silence. 

“But if you are truly happy then I’m happy too, Donghyuck. Your happiness is all that matters.” 

“Thank you,” he whispers. 

They talk for a little longer about small things, until they end the call half an hour later. He finds himself staring up at the ceiling, just thinking. Maybe his mom was right. Maybe he really hadn’t been as happy lately. 

He curls up in his sheets, placing his head on the pillow. It’s soft. Somehow helping his growing headache. He sighs and closes his eyes, laying as still as possible. He lets sleep taking over, feeling himself sag into the bed. 

_He’ll tell the rest of the members tomorrow_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gUUUUYYSS 7DREAM!!
> 
> Scream with/at me:  
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